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Lists Jokes: As much use as...

As much use as...

1. A one legged man in an arse kicking contest (from Python I think)

2. A chocolate teapot (trad.)

3. Milk shoes

4. A nuclear powered computer controlled intercontinental ballistic duck.

5. A one to one scale model of the starship Enterprise made out of honey.

6. A flammable fire extinguisher

7. A glass cricket bat

8. A gelignite suppository.

9. A coal powered frog-violin.

10. Granite sugar cubes

11. Pasta audio wire

12. A pastry telephone

13. Ice cream gloves

14. A sugar surf board

15. Spam windscreen wipers

16. A blind lifeguard

17. Wooden soap

18. Shortbread tires

19. A whipped-cream jet engine

20. A knitted light bulb

21. A plate-steel trampoline

22. An invisible traffic light

23. A string hook

24. A bread boat

25. Plasticine wire cutters

26. A neon pink secret door

27. Chocolate staples

28. A lead balloon

29. A paper hole punch

30. A water hat

31. A latex multistory car park

32. A steel reinforced concrete sail

33. A margarine turbocharger

34. Custard floorboards

35. Gravy ceiling tiles

36. A fried motor-boat

37. A mud monitor

38. A chocolate disk

39. A silent telephone

40. A tap-dancing microprocessor controlled portrait of a bowl of soup

41. A velvet TV set

42. A concrete engine

43. A water-proof tea bag

44. An exploding bassoon

45. A stone cigarette

46. Syrup underwear

47. A plastic oven

48. A wax truss

49. A liquorice suspension bridge

50. Soap false teeth

51. Asbestos water wings

52. A lemonade roof

53. Velvet brake-pads

54. A pair of jelly wellingtons

55. A jam cardigan

56. A paper bicycle pump

57. Non-stick sellotape

58. A sponge radar

59. Anti-matter sun-tan lotion

60. Ice-cream saucepans

61. A soluble drain pipe

62. A cubic ball-bearing

63. An inflatable dartboard

64. A soluble lifeboat

65. A glass hammer

66. A packet of rubber nails

67. Elevator Earth Shoes

68. Heat'n'eat popsicles

69. See-through mirror

70. Revolving basement restaurant

71. G-rated pornflick

72. Economy car conversion - fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis

73. Roll-on hairspray

74. Solar-powered foghorn

75. Moped exercycle

76. Objective journalism

77. Braille speedometers

78. A screen door on a submarine

79. An ejector seat in a helicopter

80. Waterproof teabags

81. Solar powered torches

82. Central heated ice-cubes

83. A pocket in a pair of underpants

84. A chocolate dick

85. An astray on a motorbike

86. A sodium submarine

87. Tits on a bull

88. Aka. "Mammary glands on the male of the bovine species"

89. A condom with a hole in it

90. A box of matches in the desert

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