1. Here I sit, in the hall of vapors.
Some darn fool done stole the papers.
The bell has rung I must not linger.
Look out ass here comes my finger.

(Variation) Here I sit in deadly vapor,
Wishing for some toilet paper.
How long, I wonder, must I linger,
Before I'm forced to use my finger?

(Variation) Here I sit
In the halls
of Vapor.
Some darn fool
Done stole
the Paper

(Variation) Here I sit,
In the vapor.
Last guy in,
Used all the paper!



2. Found printed on a condom machine.
"This is the worst chewing-gum I have ever ate!"



3. Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom:
"My wife follows me everywhere."
Written just below it:
"I do not."



4. Those who write on bathroom walls,
Roll their shit in little balls.
And you who read these words of wit,
Eat those little balls of shit.



5. Here I sit, broken hearted
Came to shit and only farted.
Wasted a dime, but what the hell,
At least I can sit, and enjoy the smell.

(Variation) Here I sit, broken hearted,
Paid a dime and only farted.
The next time I took a chance,
Saved a dime and shit my pants.

(Variation) Here I sit lonely hearted,
Tried to shit, but only farted.
Back at my desk I take a chance,
Tried to fart, but shit my pants.



6. Found this on a condom machine at a local tavern.
"For a full refund, please deposit baby here!"



7. Be like Pop,
Not like Sis.
Lift the lid,
Before you Piss!



8. Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink.
I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the writing on the walls.


(Variation) Some come here to sit and think
And write upon the wall.
I come here to shit and stink
And scratch my hairy balls.



9. What do you call Willy Wonka's bathroom?
The candy man can.



10. Women's bathroom:
"We aim to please,
Men claim to please."



11. One over a Urinal:
"We aim to please.
You AIM TOO, PLEASE!"



12. (in a large nasty scrawl)
"I fucked your mother!"
(below it in smaller more precise script)
"Go home Dad, you're drunk!"