Votes so far: 409
Medical Jokes: Actual Medical Chart Notes
Actual Medical Chart Notes
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
- Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
- Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
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