A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk becasue of his bald head. He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complemnt the outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden leg.
A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!