Why did the python do national service ?
He was coiled up !

What do you call a snake who works for the governement ?
A civil serpent !

What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?
A snake charmer !

What subject are snakes good at in school ?
Hiss-tory !

What do you call a snake that informs the police ?
A grass snake !

Why did the two boa constrictors get married ?
Because they had a crush on each other !

Why are snakes hard to fool ?
They have no legs to pull !

What's a python's favourite pop group ?
Squeeze !

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ?
Someone else's !

What do you do if you find a poisonous snake in your toilet ?
Wait till he's finished !

Why can't you trust snakes ?
They speak with forked tongues !

What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ?
A boa constructor !

What do snakes write at the bottom of their letters ?
With Love and Hisses !

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?
Fang mail !

What do you give a sick snake ?
Asp-rin !

What did the python say to the viper ?
I've got a crush on you !