P. J. O'Rourke
"Despite the fact that meat is made from dead animals ... almost all varieties of meat are good enough to be better than vegetables, except veal. Veal is very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive ... Poultry is like meat, except when you cook it rare. Then it's like bird-flavored Jell-O. Fish--you have to wonder about a food that everybody agrees is great except that sometimes it tastes like what it is ... Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never do."