Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch). These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility.



Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions. Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions.



These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.



ARG : Agree to Run Garbage

BDM : Branch and Destroy Memory

CMN : Convert to Mayan Numerals

DDS : Damage Disk and Stop

EMR : Emit Microwave Radiation

ETO : Emulate Toaster Oven

FSE : Fake Serious Error

GSI : Garble Subsequent Instructions

GQS : Go Quarter Speed

HEM : Hide Evidence of Malfunction

IDD : Inhale Dust and Die

IKI : Ignore Keyboard Input

IMU : Irradiate and Mutate User

JPF : Jam Paper Feed

JUM : Jeer at Users Mistake

KFP : Kindle Fire in Printer

LNM : Launch Nuclear Missiles

MAW : Make Aggravating Whine

NNI : Neglect Next Instruction

OBU : Overheat and Burn if Unattended

PNG : Pass Noxious Gas

QWF : Quit Working Forever

QVC : Question Valid Command

RWD : Read Wrong Device

SCE : Simulate Correct Execution

SDJ : Send Data to Japan

TTC : Tangle Tape and Crash

UBC : Use Bad Chip

VDP : Violate Design Parameters

VMB : Verify and Make Bad

WAF : Warn After Fact

XID : eXchange Instruction with data

YII : Yield to Irresistible Impulse

ZAM : Zero All Memory