1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into consideration and realizedthat I really DO look like a furry woodland creature!
2. My fellow Americans, prepare to die. I accidentally sent my wife'sbirthday gift to bin Laden instead of a bomb. When he receives thenegligee I'm afraid he won't be happy. Unfortunately, my wife will receivethe bomb. At least ONE good thing will come of this!
3. My fellow Americans, I have decided to skip the state of the union andinstead air a program I have long loved and admired, which I still watch tothis day... ready? Here it goes!.. "I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPYFAMILY, WITH A..."
4. My fellow Americans, I have just learned of an extraordinary thing! Thereis a HOLE in the ozone layer! Now we can see the stars even better!
5. Doo a diddy, diddy dum diddy doo!
6. My fellow Americans, I have been deceiving you. I must tell you this now:I know you all voted for me because I am my father's son. Well, he's not myfather. You have elected the son of the mailman!
7. My fellow Americans, I must apologize. I had no idea that Dick Cheney ismy Vice President! I thought that I was running with a pro wrestler. Pleaseforgive me for my mistake. What? What do you mean, how could I have possiblydone such a thing? Simple. I don't really memorize all the names of thoseless than unimportant senators that no one cares about. I make up nicknamesfor them like Obblebobble and Notafornee and then laugh about it in mylittle corners when they're talking about laws and junk.
8. My fellow Americans, I forgot... what was thing with slavery again?
9. My fellow Americans, I have decided to go and finish school and get myhigh school diploma. Starting Monday I am enrolling in the class I neverfinished - Miss Munerlich's kindergarten!
10. My fellow Americans, I have decided to go on a family vacation to -Afghanistan! I hear people get stoned there, and unfortunately that isillegal here in our great country that is run by me. I haven't gotten stonedin a long time, not since my visit to the Colombian drug lord ElricoMachimachez, who happens to supply me with mucho goods... What? They THROWstones at people? ...Ah, change of plans! Honey, children, you're going toAfghanistan without me, I have to... uh... write a bill for the allowance ofmarijuana in America! Ta ta!