10. Vernon Jordan got him a job at Revlon.

9. Figured he'd have a decent chance playing for the Knicks' scab team.

8. Phil Donahue wants the hair back.

7. Ran out of personalized House of Representatives stationery, didn't realize he could order more.

6. Finally taking that romantic Caribbean cruise with Pat Buchanan.

5. Fears 20-year-old nude photos will turn up on the internet.

4. Just doesn't feel Newty anymore.

3. Do you know what it's like working side-by-side with Barbara Boxer every day and not be able to touch her, not be able to hold her?

2. Exchange program with WWF--we get Jesse Ventura, they get Newt "The Brute."

1. Strom's starting to get a little "ripe."