10. "Attention; Please - for your safety; vomiting is restricted to 43rd Street only."

9. "It's so cold the rat on my donut just froze."

8. "Wasn't it nice of that man to park our car for us?"

7. "I hear that one of the Giants wide receivers offered to drop the New Years ball."

6. "Of course the countdown confuses me -- I went to a New York City public high school."

5. "1999 is only a half hour old and already I've been groped, mugged, and pistol-whipped."

4. "Who knew Mayor Giuliani could look so cute in a diaper and top hat?"

3. "If only there were some sort of cheap novelty hats available."

2. "Dick Clark says there are a lot more people than were here for the 1899 drop."

1. "Thank God we're not at home watching Letterman."