10. Lord of the Ringos

9. "I'll take 2 tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters and a $250,000 bond, please"

8. It wasn't me -- it was a guy named N. Ron!

7. Stone Temple Phillips

6. The mafia guys are always caught "whacking" themselves

5. Ashcroft covered the Statue of Justice, now he's naked

4. I'm sorry, Winona Ryder stole your Grammy

3. "My Mullah is an honor student at Kandahar High"

2. He's in a secure, undisclosed strip club

1. "Dude, where's my turban?"