10. Perot: He's half Dole's age and half Clinton's weight

9. Don't pronounce the "t," but do pronounce him insane

8. He's small enough to fit through the White House dog door

7. Remember the guy you didn't really want in `92?

6. His ears are big, his skull is thick, and he's a raving lunatic

5. He'll put the deficit on his gold card

4. Make Ross your boss

3. Finally, a man you can trust as far as you can throw him

2. He's as ready as a pregnant armadillo in a burning outhouse

1. Perot: He's crazy for America