10. Name of the cult: The "Larry Krishnas"

9. Meetings always end with, "now let's go out and sell some Amway products!"

8. Cult website is called, "www.nutcase.com"

7. Entire membership consists of three twelve-year-olds and a schnauzer

6. You hear the words "next level" and "castration" in the same sentence

5. All the meetings are at I.H.O.P. and begin by praying to the great god of pancakes

4. They think an alien spaceship is hiding behind Chris Farley

3. Instead of guns, your cult is stockpiling bacon

2. On death shroud, you can clearly read words "Holiday Inn"

1. Your cult leader: Captain Stubing