10. You can't cross the Golden Gate Bridge without consulting a team of architects

9. You drink a cup of boiling water and expand to three times your normal size

8. You show up at work naked, except for a strategically placed seasoning pack

7. You get a little visit from a couple of Uncle Ben's goons

6. You just spent $1.7 million for a box of rice-a-roni that belonged to Jackie Onassis

5. Every Wednesday night you have a small group meeting that begins with someone saying "My name is Bob and I eat too much Rice-A-Roni"

4. When you go swimming in the bay, tourists mistake you for Alcatraz"

3. You actually pass up a delicious head of lettuce

2. When you ask hookers for a "San Francisco Treat," you really do mean dinner

1. Two words: giant ass-a-roni