10. You often ask people, "Mind if I spy on you for a sec?"

9. Your photos of secret documents are all just close-ups of your thumb.

8. Your name: "Billy." Your secret code name: "Double-0-Billy."

7. Concealed within your umbrella is a slightly smaller umbrella.

6. Always order your malt liquor shaken, not stirred.

5. You keep accidentally chewing your plastic explosives.

4. Instead of trench coat, you wear a lovely pink bathrobe.

3. On your passport, occupation listed as "not a spy, that's for damn sure!"

2. You look through wrong end of your telescope and report that "them Russians is tiny."

1. You recently defected to K-Mart.