10. Uses Moscow hot line to have phone sex with Mrs. Yeltsin

9. Plans to convert White House press office into a microbrewery.

8. Writes letters to Penthouse under the name "Hillbilly #

7. Fathered three of the seven McCaughey septuplets.

6. Can't see self on TV without yelling, "Bubba, you're one handsome sum'bitch!"

5. Planning to bomb Iraq just to impress Cindy Crawford.

4. Taught Buddy the dog to "Fetch" Sam Donaldson's hairpiece.

3. For last three years, has lived on nothing but vanilla frosting.

2. At Pamela and Tommy Lee's honeymoon, he operated the camcorder.

1. His real father: Chef Boy-Ar-Dee.