10. Must take 63 swings to the head from Mark McGwire.
9. All of Clinton's interns must now be former "Golden Girls."
8. Arrange for him to be President of France, where they're into that stuff.
7. The place: San Quentin. The cell mate: Hillary.
6. Must deliver next State of the Union speech while wearing "the dress."
5. Every day from 9am to 10am, ordinary citizens may come to the White House and sass him.
4. At public appearances, "Hail to the Chief" replaced by cheesy porn movie music.
3. Must issue formal apology to Ted Kennedy for giving philandering politicians everywhere a bad name.
2. See Bobbitt, John Wayne
1. No "Xena" for two weeks.
From "The Late Show with David Letterman", 09/16/1998