10. While everyone else is in Georgia, Tiger tees off from Michigan

9. After 12th hole tells caddy, "Why don't you finish up for me?"

8. Doesn't look to see where green is; just starts hitting

7. On his tax return, lists his occupation as "Best Damn Golfer on Planet"

6. Claims he'll match John Daly shot-for-shot both on the green and in the bar

5. Bought 20-foot wallet in anticipation of winning giant check

4. Offers to play entire tournament with nothing but a rake

3. When asked, "What do you think of the competition?" laughs his ass off for 20 minutes

2. Vows that if he doesn't win, he'll go to Cuba in Elian Gonzalez's place

1. Let himself balloon to 334 pounds