10. Infect his computerized house with virus that makes garage door open and close constantly

9. When the Domino's pizza guy doesn't have change for a billion

8. Remind him ankle-length pants on women are fashionable, on men just dorky

7. Pretend to be bank manager -- say he's down to measly gazillion dollars

6. Change his America Online greeting to "You got screwed"

5. Publish photos of him in high school back when he was a geek

4. Phone him during "Dawson's Creek"

3. Point out he and Janet Reno are looking more and more alike

2. Kid him about being married for nine years and never getting to first base

1. Accuse him of being both micro and soft