10. Each year, they give a "World's Greatest Dad" mug to the mailman

9. Their Father's Day gift: for one day, they don't call you "lardass"

8. They keep leaving phone numbers of divorce lawyers in Mom's purse

7. When they need batteries, they always seem to take ones from the smoke detector over your bed

6. Instead of watching daddy's late night talk show, they watch that hump Jay Leno

5. Your oldest boy has bumper sticker: "I'd rather be at my father's funeral"

4. Always asking their mother, "He's really the best you could do?"

3. When other kids say, "My dad can beat up your dad," they reply, "How much would that cost?"

2. They hold a tribal council, vote you out of the family

1. Their three goldfish are named "We," "Hate" and "Dad"