10. A bored John Madden puts Pat Summerall's head in his mouth

9. Victorious New England players dump scalding clam chowder on coach

8. Security officers frisk Rams cheerleaders for half an hour

7. My mom chugged a beer every time the Patriots scored

6. Half-time musical number performed by the Camp X-Ray detainees

5. Drunk, desperate deposed Enron CEO Kenneth Lay steals commemorative coin used in opening toss

4. Caught off-guard, NFL makes Patriots championship hats out of newspapers

3. For once a sporting event that doesn't end up with Mike Tyson biting somebody

2. My Jumbotron marriage proposal to Britney Spears

1. Rambling phone call to winning locker room from Osama Bin Laden