10. "Three meals a day and none of them are goat"

9. "'Death to America' T-shirts only come in cotton/poly blend"

8. "Can't get used to this whole warm bed, cooked food, running water thing"

7. "Lying American propaganda makes it seem like Taliban is losing"

6. "Television only gets one channel and it's CBS"

5. "Achmed totally stole my skit idea for camp talent show"

4. "Have you seen the bathrooms? I've lived in caves with better facilities"

3. "Haven't gotten one X-ray"

2. "Just because you're a bearded nut in Cuba everyone assumes you know Fidel"

1. "Dude in next cell keeps bragging he used to be head of Enron"