10. Interrogation rooms with ocean views

9. Still has that "new detention camp" smell

8. Prisoners allowed one threatening phone call a week

7. The loosest slots on Guatanamo Bay

6. Free "Camp Delta" tote bag with every confession

5. Extremist kids eat free

4. Nightly turndown service includes a goat on your pillow

3. Burqa raids on girls' camp across the lake

2. Midnight performances by Engelbert Humperdink

1. Craftmatic adjustable torture racks