10. Protecting human race form diabolical Miss Universe

9. Promoting crown-wearing among America's youth

8. Maintaining a smile for the next 12 lousy months

7. Color consultant for national alert system

6. Greeting each new immigrant with a moist towelette

5. Responsibilities? Heck, I sit around all day eating Cheetos

4. When the Secretary of State is sick, guess who's in charge?

3. Picking up litter along Interstate 95

2. Blowing scholarship money in Las Vegas

1. Car repossession