10. How come bald guys ain't got hair?

9. Morley fills his mouth with birdseed, yawns until a hummingbird flies in.

8. The president's brother might be some kind of moron.

7. Guys Mike Wallace made cry.

6. Television newsmagazines with names that say they're a certain length but, when you subtract commercials, are really more like "44 Minutes."

5. The 1970s disco group "Village People": Gay?

4. Mike Wallace is Beavis; Andy Rooney is Butthead.

3. Is that Letterman's real hair?

2. Are Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters "doing it"?

1. A few minutes with Mickey Rooney.