10. Busy preparing material for the next Whoopi roast

9. Had to be with my wife, Marla and newborn baby, Tiffany

8. Ate too many cheeseburgers, now just want to sleep

7. Busy putting together lucrative talk show deal with ABC

6. Grooming my poodles, Chablis and Chardonnay

5. Haven't left my suite atop the Las Vegas Hilton since 1959

4. Still owe a couple of hours community service for busting into that gum machine

3. With the Phillies in the World Series I'm too busy at my other job as the Phillie Phanatic

2. Currently detained by Connecticut state troopers on Route 84

1. Sick to death of hearing Marv say "Yes" all the time