10. Before she was released, returned three dozen stolen towels to prison laundry

9. Visits elementary schools teaching youngsters how to cheat on their taxes

8. Four words: she's a hugging machine

7. All rooms in her hotels are now free! Seriously! Call 1-800-HELMSLEY right now to reserve yours!

6. Always arrives on time for weekly face lift

5. Mumbled "sorry" after colcocking the doorman

4. No longer seen jumping subway turnstiles

3. Is receiving counseling for her addiction to mascara

2. Has removed the word "bitch" from her resume

1. Counts to 10, then slaps the houseboy