10. Youngsters trading in handguns for Isotoner gloves

9. Dan Rather doing news from Connie's lap

8. Only 300 people left alive on East Coast

7. It's actually nice when a guy rubs up against you on the subway.

6. Times Square hookers charge $20 just to blow on your hands.

5. Last night, for a full 20 seconds, Bea Arthur stopped sweating.

4. Portions of Al Sharpton have been closed.

3. President Clinton chipped a tooth on a french fry.

2. Andrew Giuliani restricted to annoying people indoors

1. Trump's using a de-icer on Marla.