10. Hides all the eggs in his pants

9. Bite me shaved into the fur on his back

8. Last Tuesday, doctors removed 17 pounds of plastic Easter grass from his stomach.

7. Has been caught pelting cars with eggs on the Cross Bronx Expressway

6. Much like President Clinton, can only say "No, no, no, no"

5. Home filled with thousands of old bodybuilding magazines and empty cans of Spaghetti-O's

4. Despite a restraining order, still stalking Mrs. Claus

3. Claims he made $100,000 trading cattle futures without breaking any laws

2. Every time he hops he falls on his ass.

1. Booked Madonna on his talk show