10. Kids using asphalt instead of play-doh

9. Empire State Building all droopy and bent

8. Before telling me the temperature, my thermometer said, 'Dave, my friend, maybe you'd better sit down...'

7. Hotdogs sold by New York City sidewalk vendors are almost warm.

6. Heat stroke makes you so delirious you find World Cup soccer exciting.

5. Normally patient and polite New Yorkers actually getting a little testy

4. Temperature in Ed Sullivan Theater up to stifling 44 degrees

3. Siskel sweating as much as Ebert

2. Every chance we get, Paul and I go surfing.

1. Larry King wearing nothing but suspenders