10. Already gave his concession speech for '96 election

9. Arizona now called "Bubbatown."

8. Drunken Yeltsin calling every 30 seconds on the red phone to say, "Merry Christmas"

7. Each time President said, "Here, kitty, kitty," George Stephanopoulos would rub up against the podium

6. When he screamed at Jesse Helms, "You wanna piece of me, punk?!"

5. Stopped speech four times to eat popcorn balls off Christmas tree

4. Fist-banging tirade about how those pictures in "Penthouse" really didn't do Paula Jones justice

3. The President's unsolicited testimonial for big ass pork products

2. Secret Service guys held Newt Gingrich while Clinton slugged him in the stomach

1. He was sweatin' gravy!