10. Watch orientation film: "The Wonderful World of Graft and Kickbacks"

9. Bring bags of ice cubes up to Ted Kennedy's office

8. Sweep up the shell casing outside White House gate

7. Make sure Cher gets alimony check on time (Sonny Bono only)

6. Run the projector at Clarence Thomas' parties

5. Empty Jesse Helms' spittoon

4. Collect hair clippings from capitol barber shop floor, start makin' wigs for Bob Dole

3. Start kissing Newt's ass

2. When finished kissing Newt's ass, consider kissing it a little more

1. Get fresh drinks for the hookers