10. Stroll through subways waiting for old water mains to burst

9. Drink glass of ice water every time Larry King gets engaged

8. Around house, wear lightweight caftans, the way I do

7. Stop a Mister Softee truck, insist you're Skip Softee, the boss's son and crawl into the freezer compartment

6. Go to White House, enjoy breeze of bullets whizzing by

5. Don't overdo, take it easy, try to keep from moving around (this tip brought to you by the N.Y. Mets)

4. Go for a swim in the Hudson River--you'll end up in a nice air-conditioned hospital

3. Keep your underpants in the crisper ("this one is courtesy of Dan Rather. Thanks Dan!"--cut to VT of Dan Rather laughing)

2. Get your own talk show, set yourself up in a 42 degree theater

1. Cool off in Ebert's shadow