10. Whenever there's the slightest breeze, Peter McNeeley falls ass-first into the potato salad

9. The blanket you're sitting on is from Heidi Fleiss' place

8. The "caraway seeds" in the cole slaw look suspiciously like deer ticks

7. Your picnic companion is inflatable

6. That red dog from the beer commercials gets drunk and tries to mate with your roast chicken

5. Your original campfire has now consumed 5,000 acres

4. You have to spend all day consoling a weeping Larry Fortensky

3. Instead of mayonnaise, elderly aunt has used Vicks Vap-O-Rub on sandwiches

2. In mix-up, your picnic chest contains Larry Hagman's liver

1. O.J. keeps "accidentally" hitting people with lawn darts