10. The Red Cross has certified me as a fully trained love machine

9. Coast Guard regulations, Miss - I have to inspect you for sand mites

8. I want to be with you tonight - even though you are a plastic CPR dummy

7. If I can't have you, life isn't worth guarding"

6. I got something that could use a little resuscitation

5. Will you help anchor my lifeguard tower by sitting on my lap?

4. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look coughing seawater out of your lungs?

3. Can I buy you a glass of Coppertone?

2. When you press your ear to my shorts, you can hear the ocean

1. Surf isn't the only thing that's up