10. When visiting strip bars, stop using Regis' name to get free lap dances

9. Become a prison pen pal with Hillary

8. Work up the courage to wear my dreadlock toupee in public

7. No more cigars in the shower

6. Combine my love of bass fishing and exercise into new sport: Bassercize

5. Only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable

4. Get back to my true love, cabaret

3. Correct that annoying typo in my Metallica tattoo

2. Find perfect joke to open with at Academy Awards (sorry, that was a resolution for 1995)

1. Every time Drew Barrymore is on the show, tell her it's my birthday