10. Do yourself a favor, Letterman -- make an appointment with a brain surgeon

9. Who picks your clothes -- Stevie Wonder?

8. Why are you always speeding, Letterman? It's not like you've got people holding their breath til you get there

7. Personally, I liked you better when you were on the cover of Mad" magazine"

6. Don't look now, but something died on your head

5. This is the part of the show where I always say to myself, 'I wonder what Koppel's doing tonight'

4. Ball State -- now there's a real hotbed of rocket scientists

3. If Drew Barrymore hadn't flashed you, you wouldn't have had any sex life at all

2. Hey, Dave, I'm having an Oscar party this year. I hope you won't be working that night

1. Letterman, let's face it -- you put the 'suck' in success