10. I like to run through a locker room wearing nothing but a referee's whistle and yelling "Baby!"

9. I keep repainting the roof of my house to match Dennis Rodman's hair

8. Five seconds after my first child was born, I dumped Gatorade on my wife

7. I'm on a strict diet of shoelaces and floor wax

6. I've invited Dave Letterman to host next year's ESPY Awards

5. For a cheap rush, I take hits of stale air from old basketballs

4. My pet project: ESPN 3, a new channel devoted to the coverage of my Rogaine treatment

3. When I make love to my wife, I always go for the three pointer, baby

2. I've referred to everything as baby, except an actual baby

1. Right now, I think I'm whispering!