10. Shouldn't have taken time away from campaign to father Madonna's baby

9. Thought the election was "best out of three"

8. Campaign was sabotaged by elves and leprechauns working for Perot

7. Should have promised a sixteen percent tax cut

6. Turns out Americans actually like having a pot-smoking, womanizing, draft-dodger in the White House

5. Campaign manager was distracted by his other job -- head coach of the New York Jets

4. Every fast-food worker in the country automatically voted for Clinton

3. Should have never described Kemp as a "great kisser"

2. Many ballots misspelled his last name as "O-L-D-E"

1. In retrospect, was a mistake to be a cranky old bastard