10. Elmo roasting on an open fire

9. Come on it's lovely weather for a lap dance together with you

8. Every Christmas my uncle Louis throws up in the kitchen sink

7. I'm addicted to nasal decongestant

6. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a restraining order

5. May we see Richard Simmons, bite Santa's arm again

4. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, probably `cause we're all so full of gin

3. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to tell your parents you are gay

2. Hillary, Hillary, you're lucky you're not in prison

1. Joy to the world, their season's done, the Jets can lose no more