10. When asked to name a health drink, nine out of 10 Americans said "Crisco"

9. Recent Delta flight from New York to Boston had to taxi up Interstate 95 the whole way

8. Red Lobster had to discontinue "all the shrimp you can eat" because shrimp became extinct

7. Nike changed slogan from "Just Do It" to "Who Wants Pizza?"

6. Times Square lapdancers out of business due to disappearance of laps

5. Most new homes now equipped with hot and cold running gravy

4. National Parks Service approved addition of Ben and Jerry to Mount Rushmore

3. It's been five years since the Space Mountain rollercoaster made it up the first hill

2. 911 reporting huge increase in callers with ass caught in Craftmatic adjustable bed

1. Most common first word for babies: "supersize"