10. Before administering CPR, always removes his swim trunks

9. His e-mail address: www.floatin'wacko.com

8. After he rescues you, you're gutted, stuffed and mounted in his rec room

7. Insists on being addressed as "Señor Splashy"

6. Recently ended a three-year relationship with the diving board

5. His motto: "A little drownin' never hurt nobody"

4. Once got kicked out of Sea World for biting off a manatee's ear

3. Tries to save a drowning fat guy by baiting a fishhook with a hot dog

2. His partner: a life-size inflatable Pamela Lee

1. Rescues by appointment only