10. After too much eggnog, Mrs. Claus is "all hands."

9. Ever since they hit the big time, those damn Keebler Elves act likewedon't exist.

8. Santa keeps asking, "Does this suit make me look fat?"

7. That idiot Blitzen always mistaking you for a chew toy.

6. You're enjoying the jacuzzi, and Santa gets in naked.

5. Now have to work through coffee breaks thanks to the McCaugheyseptuplets.

4. It's at least a thousand miles from North Pole to nearest stripclub.

3. Next to "race" on the census forms, there's never a box marked"elf."

2. Hookers who laugh when you take your pants off.

1. Health plan doesn't cover sleigh rash.