10. Access to Gerald Ford's vast underground collection of "Hustler" back issues.

9. Use of high-resolution military satellites to warn when Hillary is coming.

8. Get to call P.L.O. chairman Yasser Arafat "Yas."

7. When approaching four-way intersection, President may yell, "Yee-Haw!" and barrel through at full speed.

6. The unalienable right to lie your fat presidential ass off.

5. If the president is hungry he may commandeer a civilian's muffin.

4. Can make pilot of Air Force One buzz Kenneth Starr's house.

3. $5 discount on Fudgie the Whale cakes at participating Carvel stores.

2. Veto power on all new "Baywatch" hirings.

1. The annual NATO wife-swapping party.