10. Having to brush up on Spanish just to read hate mail.

9. Armed troops + civilian resistance = Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork.

8. In the Elian TV movie, she'll likely be played by John Lithgow.

7. When she gets angry, she turns green and muscles burst through clothes just dry-cleaned.

6. No one believes, "It was a chocolate gun pointed at Elian's head."

5. Whenever she calls "Playboy" and offers to pose, Hefner's "in a meeting."

4. Saying, "It's the tear gas" when crying at "Erin Brockovich."

3. When Lenscrafters runs out of gigantic, outdated, poorly-fitted frames.

2. Men who feel inadequate when she brings battering ram into bedroom.

1. Constant political pressure to reunite Hall and Oates.