10. "Take Me Out To The Corporate-Sponsored Megaplex"

9. "Scratch My Groin For The Cameras"

8. "Trade Me Off To Toronto"

7. "Buy Me Some Expensive Counterfeit Sports Memorabilia"

6. "Why's My Girlfriend Kissing Jeter?"

5. "Puffy Shoots, Shoots, Shoots At The Night Club"

4. "My Ass Looks Slimmer In Pinstripes"

3. "Let's Root, Root, Root For The Cubbies, If They Don't Win--Actually, That Won't Be A Big Surprise"

2. "Sex Is Fun At The Ballpark, Buck Naked In The Stands"

1. "For It's One, Two Strikes You're Out 'Cuz The Ump Is A Drunk"