10. Accountants who don't understand how much it costs to make me look this cheap

9. Trying to play guitar with three-inch fingernails

8. When the country declares my hair a fire hazard

7. Confused Dalai Lama constantly asking for theme park royalties

6. You can't get a wig repaired because Letterman's got some kind of hairpiece crisis

5. Rhinestone rash

4. Whenever he visits my gift shop, Garth Brooks tries to shoplift stuff under that big hat

3. Smartass emcees who introduce you by saying, "and now here they are -- Dolly Parton!"

2. When the Super Bowl is over, winner never says, "I'm goin' to Dollywood"

1. Nobody notices I've got a great ass, too