10. Please, please let O.J. go -- he just bought a place in Mexico

9. Even if you think he did all this stuff, wasn't playing for the Bills punishment enough?

8. O.J.'s too full of love to have dropped a bloody glove

7. DNA? Give me a break -- it's too small to see, for heaven's sake

6. The Bronco's idling right outside, so acquit the man and let him ride!

5. Make the right decision and stand tall, and you'll all go home with an autographed football

4. If you must find O.J. guilty of a crime, try watching "Naked Gun 2" sometime!

3. The real killer's a lady, by the name of Mrs. Brady! (Flo Henderson bolts)

2. If the mood is right and I feel a spark, I wouldn't mind nailing Marcia Clark

1. Evidence, shmevidence