10. Your mailman, meter reader and gardener are all the same guy

9. You're about to buy a bus ticket and the stranger behind you says, "Aw, can't we go by plane?"

8. You're pretty sure you're not the one who taught your parrot the heavy breathing

7. Twinkie wrappers are all over your driveway in the morning

6. Every night at 11 o'clock, a voice from the linen closet shouts, "Turn on the Seinfeld rerun!"

5. When you bring in your morning paper, the crossword puzzle's already done

4. Four or five times a day, your secretary says, "Stalker -- line one!"

3. When you do "this is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people," you count 16 fingers

2. The only way you can lose this guy is to go to a Mets game

1. After you take off your pants, there's still someone else wearing them