10. Dying to show off how much he knows at the citizenship exam.
9. For 10th year in a row, lost Sexiest Canadian Alive to that bastard Alan Thicke.
8. Became interested after playing U.S. Citizenship: the Home Game.
7. Risked everything to flee Canada's crushing Communist regime.
6. What is...American tail?
5. Finally admitted to himself he's just not that interested in hockey.
4. Canadian bacon -- neither crispy nor delicious; American bacon -- crispy and very delicious.
3. After you're sworn in as citizen, you get a free USA totebag.
2. Got into a little Jeopardy with a stripper in Toronto.
1. I'll take "Who gives a crap?" for a thousand.
From "The Late Show with David Letterman", 11/07/1997